“If
Not Love” and “If Not Love” Continued
Lyrics and Thoughts
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NOTE: The "If Not Love" collection is a developing project of
original songs, initially drawing from previous CDs. It includes 4 new studio
productions + demo versions of several other new songs. Please let me know what
your favorite songs are. Note: "If Not Love" will be released in
different, improved versions (depending on your feedback). Please feel free to trade your current
version in for $2.00 at any John Canaan Concert.
To purchase this CD, click here: Order Form
For MP3 files of these songs, go to www.apeus.com (Use
I.D. #2254)
NOTE: The “If Not Love” Continued CD is available only on MP3 (which you can
order directly from John or at www.apeus.com
(I.D. #2254)
I Don't Need a Rainbow (From "John Canaan Cont.
Col.")
I Don't Need A Rainbow was originally written for my roommate's
girlfriend, Judy. It was my attempt to get Judy to come in from her day
dreams and enjoy the real love that Dan was offering her. Judy was waiting for
a revelation. Dan was waiting for the chance to love Judy. It
struck me then, how many of us are waiting for the right signs, the right
combination, the right alignment of the planets.
What a stand off! We wait for love, while love, waits for us. This
song has recently be rededicated to Anita and Eric as
they continue to to walk along the very wonderful
road of healing and love that they are one. Their commitment to each
other is truly a picture of love.
Time is on your side (Judy was quite a bit younger than Dan), so tell me why,
you keep playin' with my life. Won't you tell
me true, do you need a rainbow? to lead you to
my heart? Love is all I have, but in your life is there something more
you need? Won't you tell me now, are you gona'
need a vision? to lead you to my heart. Honey are you going to think about it the rest of your
life? 'Cause I don't need a rainbow, to lead me to your
heart. And in the light of day, I'm not gona'
need a vision, to show me who I love.
In Your Eyes Copyright January
2002, John Canaan
In Your Eyes was written for a woman that shall remain nameless, (although her
initials are Colette Martin). Colette could NOT (and she doesn't mind me
sharing this)...could NOT make up her mind as to whether she wanted me or
not. In the end she decided that she didn't, although this song I think
made it hard to decide. I take a certain amount of pride in the confusion
it brought into her life.
to find some peace inside.
You can tell me you're lonely. But that it's nice to
be loved, but that it's friends you need--
that there's no future in me.
Then what's in your eyes? -- in
your touch... What's in your eyes?
Now that the walls have been broken, suddenly I feel alive. And I will
keep my heart open,
in your eyes. You can tell me you want me and then tell me you
don't.
And you can change your mind more than a thousand times, but...
It's in your eyes -- in your touch... It's in your eyes.
Who knows the paths we'll be walking. Who knows the love we might
find? But I will keep my heart open, in your eyes.
It's in your eyes. -in our lives. In your eyes.
Was It For You? (From "John Canaan Cont.
Col.")
Was it For You? was inspired by the
original film, "Four Feathers" over 20 years ago. The film
tells the story of a woman who was not willing to be with the one she loved,
until he had proven himself worthy of her love, in certain what I considered to
be, unreasonable criteria. Robert Redford, years ago was once asked
"So how do you feel about all the women that are in love with you?"
His answer is the underlying theme of this song: "Where were they when I
needed them?"
What If I Loved You? (From "Frozen Garden")
What If I Loved You is your basic unrequited love
song. It is 1) the discovery of romantic feelings even
if those feelings are found in a misguided heart. Fine, at least
we're on our way to REAL love, which comes after romantic love. As in
"I Don't Need A Rainbow", "What If I Loved You?" 2) is also an invitation to the one you love, to "come
down from the fences and open the gate" (See Desperado")
Since You've Come Along? (From "Frozen Garden")
Since You've Come Along was written for
Margo. She was the "stars in the heavens" to me. The song
refers to a class I taught on relationships at the time ("I told some
friends of mine that love was mature-- that silly fantasies would all
disappear). This was good thinking, and at the time I taught "make
friends first" with much enthusiasm. But then there was Margo. How
quickly that philosophy washed up for me and how deeply I fell for Margo.
Frozen
In what's been a frozen garden, something's staring to grow.
Sounds of a rushing water, as you melt the snow.
And of the flowers in this garden, winter took it's
toll.
But now I'm in the spring of my life, and look what's growing in my
soul!
So many wild romances, buried in the snow.
But I'm in the spring of my life. And look what's growing in my
soul.
I Am Your Prince Copyright
October 1999, John Canaan
Once the little girl in you, sat alone and cried—
and wondered when her prince would come
and tell her she was beautiful— so beautiful.
You have left this dream behind. And
you have kissed your prince goodbye.
But look at me with open eyes. I’m the
one you dreamed of.
I am your prince. I
am the one you saw, up in the sky above.
And I can reach through the years by loving you as you are.
Once a little girl like you had a childhood dream come true--
And I can reach through the tears) by loving you as you are.
If There's A Way Copyright October 1999, John Canaan
If there's a way, let me see-- to find what's lost in me-- to reach
through
the years and bring back the feelings.
Once I could hold your hand. Once I could lift you
up. But here on the ground,
it's hard to remember, how I could love you anymore. ...in all my
heart, it's just
not there.
Wish on a star tonight, that I could have my sight.
For so long ago, we had a vision.
But we let it slip away-- in every passing day... and suddenly found nothing
between us.
Now I can't give you anymore. How I try. In all my
heart, it's just not there.
It's not there anymore.
But if there's a way-- God above-- take my hand, and bring
back my love.
And make me free to love, him (her) again, if there's a way.
My Music Copyright January 2002, John Canaan
There was a girl. And she could sing. And to hear was to stand in heaven.
It was a gift, she’d always known. It was a dream (or “and a dream”) she held
inside.
But she fell in love with a good man. And as life goes, she
changed her plans.
So she put her guitar in the corner, and kept her dreams in her heart and
through the
night she sat and watched her children sleep”
“And this will be my music. And will be the song I
sing throughout my life.
And it will be so very beautiful. And each laugh, each cry will be a verse or
two.
For I will never know a sweeter song."
The days went by. The children grew. And (so) she had time
for what she once knew.
And (So) she would write and she would sing and dream of how it might have
been...
to be a star-- to hear the cheers, to touch the hearts of all
the world
But as she dreamed, her oldest child came to her side
and kissed her cheek.
And all of her children had gathered and all of the presents were laid
beside her bed...
then she remembered why she had lived the life she lived
“For you have been my music. And you have been the song I’ve
sang throughout my life.
And it has been so very beautiful. And every laugh, every cry has been a verse
or two.
I’ll never know a sweeter song than you.”
If Not
Love Copyright
June 2002
A few years ago, in connection with my divorce, I found my self with a
simple choice: Would I love, or not? Would I now give Margo, even as she
was leaving, what I had perhaps never fully given. Or would I retreat into self
pity, or the comfort of other friends, and leave her to face this time also,
without me. Something happened to me in those days. It was as
though my divorce was bringing me to the edge of death itself and forcing the
one question upon me, that I had evidently not fully
gotten-- the one question that life was about. But here I was,
ironically, a little too late, finally beginning to learn it. For this I
am most grateful. God is faithful in using even our mistakes and follies
to bring us back to him. I hope this song touches you as it did me when I wrote
it. I hope that God will fill you with his love and that even in midst of
your Gethsemanies you will be willing and able to
then pour into the hearts of those who need you the most.
If not to give your whole soul... what will your life stand for? If not love. If the words you spoke didn't reach
inside-- What were they spoken for? And if the light of love didn't fill
your eyes-- What were you looking for?
If not love, then what else? If not compassion--
what else could matter? If not to give your whole soul... What
would your life stand for? If not love.
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You’ve Missed It All
Inspired by Evelyn
If you've missed the running waters in the spring time...
Or the whispering of the forest in the middle of the night, you've missed it
all. You've missed it all.
Or if you've missed the magic colors of a rainbow...
The crashing of the ocean; the singing of it's waves,
then you've missed it all. You've missed it all.
For you're love of life unfolds this dream; a world you've never ever seen. And
if you miss one single thing, then you've missed it all.
If you've missed the screaming laughter of the children...
The tears of one who needs you, cryin' in your arms,
you've missed it all. You've missed it all.
If you've missed the quiet walks with The One who loves you... The peaceful
moment, somewhere, pouring out your soul, then you've missed it all. You've
missed it all.
For your love of life unfolds this dream; a world you've never ever seen. And
if you miss one single thing, then you've missed it all.
Don’t Walk Away
Written to Linda, who decided NOT to
walk away every time I played this song to her. I couldn't sing forever, so she
finally did walk
I'm feeling like a fool tonight; like every little thing I said and felt, I
said alone... I felt alone. I went out on a limb tonight, and opened up a part
of me, that no one sees, but now you see. Don't walk away, not with your heart
so close to mine. Couldn't you wait to say goodbye. Don't walk away. You
never promised me a thing, dear, but with my heart so near, don't walk
away. I never meant to feel this way. I do my feelings with my head these
days. But before I knew, there my heart was too. Don't walk away, not
with me standin' so close to you. Give me a chance,
to hide again. I know I promised I'd never ask a thing, dear, but with my
heart so near, don't walk away; not right away... Don't walk away.
Was It For You
Who do I find at the end of the road when I 've paid my dues?
Who will be smilin' and singin
a song when I'm through? Do you watch me now? Can you feel somehow, what
I'm going through? And who's at the
window, when I cash in the chips and the game is through? Batting your eyes and
playin' up close to my heart.
Is it you, my dear, after all these years of walkin'
alone? Was it for you? How do I find this sweet peace of mind I've
been dreamin' of?
How can I tell when I've come to the top of the hill? Do you
meet me then, at the story's end? But where were you my friend, when I was
walking alone? Was it for you?
Dream Away
Inspired by a friend of mine, who was
struggling with thoughts of leaving her husband
In My Heart
Written to Amy, who saw me more as
her relationship coach that boyfriend [a theme I've repeated a few times
Now here we stand out in the sun; not a cloud up in the sky;
With rays of lovin' you crashing all around us. And
that's when you say "it looks like rain". And so we walk along
your life. And you tell me of your pain. And your
feeling safe inside this prison of your distance. And you need me to feel the
same. So in my mind, I try, to understand your reasons and give you all
the comfort that I can. But in my heart, I know, that
nothing would be sweeter, than lovin' you forever,
and I know, in my heart. So I tell you things you need to hear; and
promise that I'm not in love. And leave you to your sadness, where no one
comes inside, but I'll be standing outside your door. 'Cause
in my mind, I try, to understand your reasons and give you all the comfort that
I can. But in my heart, I know, that
nothing would be sweeter, than lovin' you forever,
and I know, in my heart.
The Worth of a Soul
Inspired by a poem written by Jill Nethercott,
who had suffered brain trauma in an accident, and who sometimes felt a little
out of the circle.
I'm Sorry
This recording is still very much in
"demo" form, yet has been such a popular song at my workshops that I
wanted to make it available even though it's not an official recording-- like a
lot of these. This song can either be from a friend, who understands some of
your hurts from the past, who may be trying to apologize in behalf of some of
them, or could even almost be like he voice of God, or some of His angels,
letting you know that someone understands.
Your Life Should Be The Song
A song written at the request of a
friend, for a wedding
Sometimes I Say Too Much
I met a woman on a cruise to the
Zana Don't Go
Originally written to a woman named Zana, who was being very tempted to go down the wrong wrong with the wrong man. "Zana
Don't Go" was a plea to her to stand on her own long enough to be able to
make a wise and stable decision on who she wanted.
Keepin' My Heart
Written for my sweet former wife, Margo. This
was one of those moments that came a little too late, as I realized what was
going wrong. See the words to “If Not
Love”
Here's You
A Very complicated song written by Sam Cardon and I. Strap
your seat belts for some high drama: I started the song over 20 years after
falling in love with C.C. yet, at the same time, kind of hanging on to memories
of my first and greatest childhood love T.E.
Years later, the "young girl" traded places in the song and
became the memory, as I struggled to become more emotionally available to
M.M. I wouldn't be thinking too hard
about the details. But the theme of the
song is wonderful. The past can
sometimes rob of us of the present.
Pretend
Kind of a made up situation -- In
other words. The girl I wrote it to (20 years ago) actually was in love with
this other guy [the guy with "the answers"]. The song insinuates that
what she REALLY wanted, was not stability, but the
romantic life of singer's wife. Boy was
I dreaming. But it made for a good
idea. My favorite part
if the instrumental at the end.
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